This Little Light of Mine...

Sitting in the living room with my sisters it seems impossible that in five days I will be back in Nicaragua. I was blessed enough to have the opportunity to travel to the country once before with my classmates from the Community Engagement in Latin America course, and now I feel extremely blessed to have the opportunity to travel to Nicaragua again through a Smith Fellowship that I was awarded through the Center for Catholic and Dominican Studies at PC with four of my peers. For two months I will be working in the capital city of Managua at the Centro Cultural de Batahola Norte (CCBN) and living with a family in the neighborhood. Am I prepared? I’m not quite sure. If we’re talking material/packed luggage wise I am by no means close to being prepared. I’ve been spending these first weeks of summer with my friends and family as much as possible; I was able to go white water rafting in Maine, have a nice and relaxing Memorial Day Weekend, and be here for my younger sister Kiernan’s prom and graduation.

All of this family time has been great! However, yesterday, dwelling upon my delay in packing I was starting to feel a little anxious about not being quite mentally prepared to go back to Nicaragua either. The week I spent there in March was so different than anything I’d ever experienced. I was learning new things at a rapid and overwhelming pace, but I had the constant presence and support of my wonderful classmates and opportunities to reflect upon experiences with them. I had a sudden realization that this time I will be going down to Nicaragua alone. I began to stress about traveling, meeting a lot of new people every day, living with a family that does not speak English, eating foods that my body is not used to eating, and getting homesick. I even began to doubt my abilities and qualifications for receiving a Smith Fellowship. I was wondering how I could do anything meaningful at the CCBN by myself. I am only one person, one nineteen-year-old girl who has not spent too much time outside of sheltered walls and in the real world.

Through some sort of divine inspiration, all of this ridiculous over analysis about my summer caused me to reach for the Bible and search for the story of Jesus washing the feet of the disciples that was a primary focus during Pastoral Council training. I wanted to re-read John 13 and remind myself of the importance of being a humble servant of Christ. However, as someone who admittedly does not look at the Bible very often I was unaware that the reading was in John and as I was searching for the passage I came upon Matthew 5:14-16. I was both comforted and reassured by these words: “You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lamp stand, and it gives light to all the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.” I realized I’m not in this trip alone. I’m not in life alone. God is with me and has granted me this incredible opportunity to contribute the best of myself to others. While I’m in Managua (and for the rest of my life), I should use the skills that I know I possess and share them with others. I don’t even know what the Cultural Center needs and I won’t fully know that until I am down there, but I should not be concerned about skills I lack or expect others to want me to have skills that I don’t posses. (Still, if that circumstance happens to arise I can always learn.)

I am now confident that if I let my light shine and offer my best to God and those I will be working with I will have nothing to worry about. Needless to say, through this reading my fears were appeased, I found a title for my blog, and I decided the Bible should be a main component of my summer reading.

My flight leaves from Logan on Sunday morning! Hopefully, I will be able to write for this blog in a semi-frequent manner with updates about my life in Nicaragua. Your prayers and support during my time abroad would be greatly appreciated. :)